Why do I feel so alone, you ask?
Well, let’s start with one of my earliest memories. I was five and Mom and Dad were still living together. My teacher let us each choose a coloring sheet and told us to do our best work. I picked one with a rainbow over a field of butterflies because Mom likes pretty things. Trade in the Crayolas for paints, and I could’ve been Picasso. Or so I thought. I was so excited when I got home and handed it to her.
Most moms light up with a wide-eyed grin and gush out something like, “That’s beautiful! Thank you!”
Right?
Not my mom. She wrinkled her nose and said, “Well, you did the best you could, I guess,” before tossing it on the kitchen table.
I ran to my room and hid the rest of the evening. When I came downstairs the next day, I found it in the trash.
Stuff like this happened over and over as I grew. I want to be a fashion designer, yet every outfit I put together is “hideous.” And I could stand to lose a few pounds. Apparently, 110 pounds is too much for my five-foot-four frame.
My dad isn’t terrible, but he’s never really around, either. Even after the divorce, when I spend weekends at his drab little bachelor pad, he doesn’t talk to me much and has no idea how to convey any type of emotion.
Then there’s Jenna and her mom, Lisa. Jenna’s my Day One. My best friend. She’d never in a million years judge me, but depending on how I make this monumental decision, it could affect her and Lisa, too. And they don’t need any more stress in their lives. Lisa works multiple jobs to make rent, (most months. I think their landlord is getting impatient), and anything other than rice and ramen has become more of a luxury than a necessity.
I’m not sure where God is in all of this. Jenna and Lisa are Christians and I’ve gone to church with them in the past. If He was going to drop this bomb on me, you’d think He’d at least give me a mom who doesn’t despise me. Or a dad who listens. I’m not sure if God and I are on speaking terms right now.
But even if I did ask for forgiveness, I’m not sure He would, no matter what I choose.
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Audra is offering a signed copy in US or an ebook of IMPACT to one reader.
Winner's choice after drawing Wednesday evening, May 26, 2021!
Winner's choice after drawing Wednesday evening, May 26, 2021!
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My Story Title: IMPACT
My Story Genre: Christian Contemporary Women's Fiction
My Story Released: May 7, 2021
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The Author of My Story: Audra Sanlyn
Audra Sanlyn is a
member of ACFW and ACFW Virginia Chapter and serves as Webinar Coordinator for
Capital Christian Writers Fellowship.
Audra writes a monthly encouragement blog and uses her platform to advocate for the rights of the unborn.
When she’s not homeschooling her crazy kids, she enjoys music and woodburning and leads the youth ministry with her husband at their home church.
Audra writes a monthly encouragement blog and uses her platform to advocate for the rights of the unborn.
When she’s not homeschooling her crazy kids, she enjoys music and woodburning and leads the youth ministry with her husband at their home church.
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